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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:22:30 GMT -5
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".
4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".
9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defence Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. "Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".
20. I will not call the Defence Against Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!".
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not a tribble Animagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.
29. I do not weight the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not "Mentats in training".
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:22:52 GMT -5
Not allowed to poke Filch in the face.
Not allowed to tell Snape that nobody likes him and he shouldn’t wear swimsuits.
Not allowed to throw first years into the Forbidden Forest.
Not allowed to pull Draco Malfoy’s chair out from underneath him.
Not allowed to pretend I’m Fred or George Weasley and escape on a broom to make a joke shop.
Not allowed to pretend I’m Harry Potter and roll around the floor, screaming, “Voldemort’s coming! Voldemort’s trying to eat meeee!”.
Not allowed to hide a giant in the Forbidden Forest and blame it on the centaurs.
Ron Weasley is not my soul mate
I should stop ranting about the fourth Harry Potter movie. Seriously, nobody knows what I’m talking about.
Crabbe and Goyle do have brains and those comments are uncalled for.
Students Against Snape’s Ugly Nose (SASUN) is not an actual association.
Not allowed to run around naked
I am not the Princess of an unknown place called Genovia or Coventry Island, and the people at Hogwarts still have no idea what I’m talking about.
Fourteen is not Voldemort’s number and protesting against it won’t get me anything.
Chickens are not going to join forces with Voldemort and help him take over the world.
Not allowed to go through Filch’s private pages.
“But I wanted to figure out if he was having a secret affair with Snape!” is not an excuse to go through his Filch’s private pages.
Flitwick is just short, not a giant gnome attempting to eat us all.
Not allowed to run with knives.
Ditto scissors.
Ditto my wand.
Umbridge may have been wuite mean, but she never tried to make people eat bubotuber pus.
Not allowed to shout, “All hail the Dark Lord!” whenever Harry Potter comes into the room.
Hermione Granger did not turn into a cat and attack me with her very sharp claws . . . it was just Crookshanks.
I deserved it for deliberately stepping on him.
I shouldn’t put a giant neon sign in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom by the sinks, saying “CHAMBER OF SECRETS, OPEN 24-7”.
“But they were too atupid to figure it out!” is not an excuse for doing so.
Not allowed to magically write, “Romilda Vane is an idiot.” on the walls.
If I insist on doing so, could I please take it off as Filch, being a squib, can’t?
Filch’s nickname is not “Squibby”
Peeves is not my idol.
Not allowed to run around, screaming, “APENDOODLE WEINBURGER!”.
Binns is not the most boring person in the world . . . well, not allowed to say that, anyway.
Not allowed to break into Snape’s potion cupboard and make a polyjuice potion of him.
Not allowed to pretend I’m Snape and make fun of myself in a Potions class.
That also goes for Defence Against the Dark Arts class, and I’m not allowed to pretend I didn’t realize that.
Not allowed to make voodoo dolls.
Not allowed to use the Quidditch pitch as a shrine towards Peeves . . . the school gets ANGRY!
Not allowed to play with matches. (You pyromaniac)
Not allowed to set fire to the school, Snape, or my siblings.
Not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in Norwegian.
Not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in French.
Not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in Mexican.
Not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in German.
Not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in English.
Pretty much not allowed to cast jinxes at Snape in any language.
Even Pig Latin.
Not allowed to break out randomly into The Llama Song during a very important lecture.
My name is not Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, or Prongs.
50. Ron Weasley is not my boyfriend and we do not have a child together.
Ditto Fred Weasley.
Ditto George Weasley.
Ditto Harry Potter.
Ditto Viktor Krum.
“Well your mom doesn’t know how to do a disarming curse!” is not a comeback.
I should stop writing about Harry Potter having amnesia.
Most people have not been to Azkaban eleven times, but that doesn’t mean I live there in one of the jail cells.
I do not have a child who is part dementor.
I myself am not part dementor.
Ditto Snape.
Ditto Filch.
Ditto Harry Potter.
Ditto Malfoy.
Ditto Crabbe.
Ditto Goyle.
Ditto pretty much everyone.
The fourth Harry Potter movie was not made by the devil; it was made by the Warner Brothers.
Not allowed to look up everything about a person I don’t know and say, “OMIGOSH! It’s you! I heard about your mom, I’m so sorry, getting trampled by hippogriffs like that! Don’t you remember me?”.
Not allowed to tell Snape to take a nice long shower.
Or drown in it.
Not allowed to tell the teachers how I really feel about them . . . there’s a sure ticket to expulsion.
Not allowed to change the Hogwarts song to anything about monkeys flinging crap at each other.
Voldemort is head of the death eaters, not the Mafia.
Filch isn’t a death eater.
The reason Filch isn’t a death eater isn’t because “he was too ugly, even for Voldemort”.
Not allowed to say Voldemort’s name . . . oops.
Not allowed to tell Fluffy to eat Snape.
Ditto Filch.
Also not allowed to tell Fluffy to just drool on Snape.
Again, ditto Filch.
Not allowed to give Malfoy a name that means, “Jackass who needs to get a life because he sucks.”
Not allowed to play with my wand.
STILL not allowed to run with scissors.
Or my wand.
Not allowed to tell the ickle firsties to start a rebellion against homework.
Not allowed to say I’m Buffy’s descendant and must sacrifice someone.
I most likely do not have an identical twin that I was separated from at birth, and once again, nobody knows what I’m talking about.
Umbridge is not a frog in a disguise . . . she just looks that way.
Not allowed to write, “I must shut up” on my hand in red ink and blame it Snape and his detentions.
Not allowed to get out the light saver in the middle of class . . . Darth Vader is NOT there, and for the last time, nobody knows what I’m talking about.
Voldemort is not secretly a sheep farmer, living happily with his wife, Bellatrix.
Nor is he a llama farmer.
Sirius Black is not Stubby Boardman.
Not allowed to tell the teachers (particularly Snape) to go screw themselves.
Or Filch.
Hermione’s cat did not eat my homework.
Or sit on it and therefore ruin it.
I am not Emily from Corpse Bride, and people are sick of telling me that they don’t know what I’m talking about.
I’m not her twin sister either.
Not allowed to ask for Richard Harris’ email anymore. He’s not living, and Harry Potter doesn’t know anything about him.
Not allowed to call Umbridge a witch and have her burned at stake.
The reason is not because it won’t work.
But it won’t work.
The reason is because it’s not nice.
Just stop confusing people!
Can’t have the other teachers burned at stake, particularly the men.
Ditto Filch.
Ditto everyone else on staff.
Ditto myself.
Because of course we’re witches, idiot.
My robes should not have words on them.
Particularly swear words.
If you want to get really detailed, “Go fk yourself” is something you don’t want on your robes.
I do not know Voldemort’s phone number.
And it’s not just because he doesn’t have one.
Not allowed to Google search the phrase “Voldemort sucks butt”.
I don’t know that Flitwick has been cheating, and I’m not allowed to call him “Baby”
He doesn’t know what I’m talking about anyways.
The correct response to "Are you serious?" is a simple a "Yes, I am" Or "No, I'm not." Not, "You idiot, Bellatrix killed him." (Stole it from Erzebet on my original one and I’m stealing it once more!)
“My Humps” is not to be sung on school grounds.
Not allowed to protest against the fact that we can’t have knives at school, especially with, “This wand could be a weapon too! Didja ever think of that? Huh? Huh?”
Ditto, “This chair could be a weapon too! Didja ever think of that? Huh? Huh?”
Ditto anything else.
Not allowed to use my blanket as a parachute when jumping out the Astronomy tower.
Not allowed to jump out of the astronomy tower.
I am not part of the Mafia. (What are you talking about, Molly?)
Ditto the Order of the Pheonix. (What are you talking about, Molly?)
Ditto the F.B.I. (What are you talking about, Molly?)
Ditto the Esteemed Elders. (What are you talking about, Molly?)
Ditto the Death Eaters (Ah, now I know what you’re talking about.)
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" is not allowed to be said on school grounds. (Erzebet stolen again, but I would have put it on anyways)
Ditto “Twitchy little ferret, aren’t you?” (My own)
Not allowed to say, “Ms. Cheesebaker presents her compliments to Professor (insert teacher’s name here), and begs him/her to keep his/her abnormally large nose out of other people's business.”
Ditto “Ms. Rose agrees with Ms. Cheesebaker, and would like to add that Professor (insert teacher’s name here) is an ugly git.”
Ditto “Ms. Klutz would like to register her astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.”
Ditto “Ms. DuBaer bids Professor (insert teacher’s name here) good day, and advises him/her to wash his/her hair, the slimeball.”
Crabbe is not a “fat lard” and I shouldn’t say so.
Ditto Goyle
Albus Dumbledore is not my great-grandfather.
Hermione’s cat’s name is Crookshanks, not “Wussy Cat”
Murder is not a healthy way to let out my anger.
“But Voldemort does it!” is not an excuse to do so.
Hermione did not steal Ron from me and fate will not bring us together.
Dobby is not secretly Regulus Black.
Ditto Sirius.
Ditto Kreacher.
Not allowed to burst in on secret sessions between Dumbledore and Harry Potter, screaming something about potato salad.
Not allowed to attack Snape with a spork.
Percy Weasley may be a git, but the entire school doesn’t have to know about it.
150 is not too many things I shouldn’t do at Hogwarts.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:25:19 GMT -5
I will not put soap into the lake and then 'accidentally' push Snape in, no matter how bad he needs a bath.
Luring first years to the third floor corridor, then opening the trap door there, then pushing them in there, is not advisable, and will get me detention, even if the Golden Trio was there when they were their age.
Same for Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.
Learning to speak parstletounge just to have snakes attack Malfoy may be fun, but will result in loss of house points.
As much fun as bungy jumping off Gryffindor Tower may sound, it can get me killed.
Calling Malfoy, Malferret will get me hexed, and therefor is not advisable.
Sneaking into Snape's chamber and stealing all of his under garments(EWWW) and replacing them with Thongs will result in a very angry Potions Master, especially if I charm the doorway to strip his robes off of him as he enters...(Who am i torturing, him or us?)
Telling Filtch that the Weasley twins snuck into the castle and are digging through his office is not a good idea, especially if i lock him in there with magic(After he enters of course)
Taking first years to the Whomping Willow and asking them to prod the knot on it is dangerous and could result in a sentence at Azkaban.
Convincing someone to tell a professor of the DA, while hilarious, will only make me targets of pranks.
Asking Hagrid if Hermione and Ron took over his hut again when i see him in the Great Hall in a morose mood will only make him more depressed.
Sneaking into Harry's dorm late at night for a snog session is going to give me the reputation of a scarlet woman.
Telling people that I am related to Voldemort just get them to fear me might get me thrown into Azkaban or into Ministry Custody.
Slipping Snape a truth serum and asking what his true relation ship is with (Filtch, Voldie, Quirrell, Lucius, or Lockheart) will result in a years worth of detention and loss of 200 house points.
Daring Draco Malfoy to tell Snape that he is sexy may be absolutly hilarious, but it desturbing at the same time.
Having Colin take a picture of what Malfoy really does while in the prefect bathroom and spreading the picture all over school is just wrong, but funny.
Asking Madame Pomphrey for a Dreamless Sleep Potion then slipping it to Snape during Potions may get me out of potions for the day, but i will have to deal with an irate potions master later on.
Sneaking off to the Room of Requirement with Harry might be fun but...why cant i do this at Hogwarts, again?
Saying "Oi with the poodles already" during class will only get me stares.
Recreating the swamp in the Slytherin Common Room, then adding the fireworks, and then putting a charm on the entrance to said common room to turn anyone who passes through it into a transvestite dressed in Red and Gold with a Gryffindor Lion Hat on their heads that rawrs is tracable and will only come back to bite me in the arse...though very funny since the spell lasts for a month...
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:26:02 GMT -5
Not allowed to cough 'Ferret alert' whenever Malfoy is around.
Do not as Moaning Myrtle to make face behind Snape for an entire day.
If someone asks what’s Voldemort's cell phone number do not answer 666-666.
When talking to Voldemort it is not a good idea when you call him Riddle to break out singing hey diddle diddle the cat an the fiddle ...etc.
Don't ask the librarian if you can go on the computer.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:29:52 GMT -5
Professor Snape does not enjoy gift certificates to the spa.
Nor does he like shampoo bottles that "appeared" in his Potion's cabinet. Condtioner is also not an appropriate Christmas present.
Filius is Professor Flitwick's first name. Not Yoda.
When turning your desk into a pig, aim correctly. Draco Malfoy makes a much better ferret than pig.
Fun pet-names can get you cursed into tomorrow. ("Aw, who's a cutey widdle Fewwet Face?")
Ron and Hermione do not enjoy the chorus of "THE GOOD SHIP FOREVER!" whenever they are within three feet of eachother. Nor do they enjoy the "HA! YOU DELUSIONAL IDIOTS!" when they are within a foot of eachother.
Even Trelawney does not think "Mars is bright tonight" is a proper response to every question on a Divination exam.
Professor Flitwick is not the mayor of Muchkinland. "Ding-dong the witch is dead" also isn't a good song to sing in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Harry Potter is not Spider-man. His scar senses do not tingle.
Teachers will panic if "OH MY GOD, LOOK, IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO!" is used as a distraction.
The only thing you will get out of the question "is this canon, but not included in the books?" is a strange look.
No, it is not nice to sneak a Amortentia into McGonagall's goblet. Especially when it has been brewed by Snape.
"It was like magic!" isn't a good excuse for anything at Hogwarts. Especially when Charmed food just happens to land on Malfoy's head.
"Siriusly, though..." shouldn't be a way to start a conversation with Harry.
Knowing what Harry was thinking about "the creature in his chest" only scares him.
When you are angry about the homework Professor McGonagall has given you, do not call her Evil Kitty.
Taking advantage of your friends when they're asleep and casting a Dark Mark over their heads will lose you house points.
Under no circumstances is Polyjuice-ing myself as Ron and announcing my undevoted love to Harry right. Although it is rather funny, to say the least.
Snape is not a drag queen, or will he ever be. So the Vegas costume is a no-no from now on. And while photoshopping his head onto several pictures is utterly hilarious, a furious Snape will not understand the joke.
Using a time-turner and traveling back to the Trio's first year to tell them what will happen to them later in life will not make them happy.
On the contrary, conversations should not go like this:
"...Oh yeah, and Dumbledore dies in your sixth year."
The Trio then stares open-mouthed at you for a while.
"Why are you telling us this?"
"Hey, at least I didn't tell you that Snape killed him."
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:32:21 GMT -5
Not allowed to somehow convince Ronald Weasley that he has spattergroit and that he must take the liver of a toad, bind it tight about his throat, stand naked at the full moon in a barrel of eels’ eyes and chant, “ Alimbay animarbey ” for an hour. Then, if he does so, I’m not allowed to take pictures and spread them all around the school.
When asked whom I idolize, an appropriate response would be, “Albus Dumbledore”, or “Harry Potter”. Not “Peeves”, “Fred and George Weasley” or “Lord Voldemort”.
Not allowed to pay some leprechauns to form an obscene hand signal and follow Snape around all day.
Ditto Filch.
Not allowed to write, “The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Ugly gits, Snape, and Filch beware.” in ketchup on the walls.
When told by the teachers that writing such a thing on the walls was the wrong thing to do, not allowed to reply, “You’re right. I didn’t need to add Filch or Snape, did I? I mean, they’re ugly gits and everyone knows it.”
Not allowed to ask for help from the teachers to plan an attack on Filch or Snape.
When the teachers scold me for doing so, not allowed to protest with, “But Professor Dumbledore said that help would always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it!”
When caught in trying to murder Snape or Filch, I will not get out of it by claiming that Professor Dumbledore once said, “To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
Professor Dumbledore never said, “Rose, murder Filch and Snape.”
Not even allowed to quote Albus Dumbledore anymore.
Or Harry Potter.
Or Ron Weasley.
Or Fred Weasley.
Or George Weasley.
Or Peeves.
Or Luna Lovegood.
Or pretty much anyone.
Not allowed to tell the ickle firsties that if they point their wands at Snape and say, “Furnunculus!” he will refrain from giving them homework. They don’t know that he’ll break out in boils.
Just because Mad-Eye Moody turned Draco Malfoy into a ferret, doesn’t mean that I’m allowed to. Besides . . . that was a death eater, anyways.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:34:01 GMT -5
I am not allowed to put on fake fangs and run thru the halls screaming,"I vant to suck your blood!"
I am not allowed to say I am Harry Potters twin sister.
I am not allowed to use a fork, knife, spoon or spork anymore.
I am not allowed to talk to Neville for reasons only Proffessor Flitwick knows.
I am not allowed to give Hermione the sixth or any book in the Harry Potter series.
I am not allowed to yell, "MRYTLE LIKES MALFOY!"
Calling McGonagall Minnie is inappropriate.
I am not allowed to go near Peeves anymore.
I have a life time ban from Quidditch for charming the broom to whack Slytherins off their brooms.
Even though they hit me with bludgers and my skull cracked open.
I can not take advantage of my classmate is asleep and I write the dark mark on his/her Malfoy/Pansy forearm.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:35:41 GMT -5
I will not tell Voldemort to get a life
I am not allowed to tell Peeves how to use a paint ball gun
I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Malfoy
I can not tell the first years it is a good idea to build a tree house in the Whomping Willow
I am not allowed to ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
My name is not “Dark Lord of the hokey-pokey” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such
I am not allowed to randomly break into song during History of Magic...no matter how bored I am
It is not necessary for me to yell SUPA STAR! every time I apparate
It is not acceptable to leave a trail of soap, shampoo, and conditioner from the entrance of Snapes sleeping quarters to his desk.
Seamus Finnagan is not “after me lucky charms”, and I can not run around screaming when he is walking towards me.
“How old are you?” is not the right answer to all of Magonigals questions.
I will not refer to the “Accio” charm as “The Force”
The professor’s do not think first years are good Christmas decorations.
Not allowed to call GhostBusters
I am allowed to have a toad, cat, rat or owl, nothing else, not even a yetti. No man eating snakes either.
I am not allowed to put silencing charms on my professor’s, no matter how tempting
I am not allowed to negotiate a peace treaty with Voledemort
I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order just to see what happens
I will not claim I am an Auror undercover.
I will not tell professor Magonigal I saw Crookshanks giving her ‘the look’
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 14, 2007 21:44:09 GMT -5
Not allowed to steal anyone's wand
Not allowed to be ourselfes!
Not allowed to feed Slytherins to a pack of hungry werewolves
Not allowed to Transfigure them in any animal
Not allowed to start food fights
Not allowed to enter one
Not allowed to poke anyone, especially with your wand
Not allowed to offer anyone liquidised soil
Not allowed to tease the house elves in the kitchens, 'cause they'll refuse to work
Not allowed to do anything fun at all!
Not allowed to bore teachers
Not allowed to let the teacher bore you!
Not allowed to throw pens, quills, ink or any stationary through the class room
Not allowed to turn yourself into your Animagus-form and bite the teacher
Not allowed to irritate your teacher
Not allowed to let the teacher irritate you!
Not allowed to kick Flitwick of his books
Not allowed to eat during class
Not allowed to taunt anyone from Beauxbatons or Durmstrang for their accent
Not allowed to sleep during class
Not allowed to call Peter Pettigrew a retard
Or a moron
Or anything that shows others how dumb he is
Not allowed to ask Snivelly which shampoo he uses
Not allowed to shove Snivelly in the lake
Not allowed to let anyone else shove Snivelly into the lake!
Not allowed to hex Snivelly into next Thursday
Not allowed to kick mrs. Norris
Not allowed to pull pranks
Not allowed to drive anyone crazy by doing the chicken dance
Not allowed to act like the Marauders
Not allowed to offer Sirius anything dangerous
Not allowed to expose Sirius to his siblings
Not allowed to kick Snivelly with a broom
Or with anything else
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Bookworm622
House Elf
Head Girl of Ravenclaw.
Hell ya!
Posts: 49
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Post by Bookworm622 on Jan 17, 2007 19:16:10 GMT -5
There is not link here!
Do you know the one with the Hodgemadge in it?
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 18, 2007 15:49:01 GMT -5
...No. I posted them all here.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 20, 2007 17:04:04 GMT -5
And what's 'Hodgemadge'? Do you mean 'Hogsmeade'? They do look slightly alike...
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Bookworm622
House Elf
Head Girl of Ravenclaw.
Hell ya!
Posts: 49
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Post by Bookworm622 on Jan 21, 2007 16:29:36 GMT -5
yeah thats what I meant
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Jan 21, 2007 17:36:21 GMT -5
Then I still have no idea what your talking about.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Feb 24, 2007 19:58:17 GMT -5
More. 1. I will not instead of using the train to get to Hogwarts, use a flying car.
2. Hitting the whomping willow when I land will do nothing but damage the car and cause major pain.
3. I will not curse the Hogwarts’ paintings to shout, ‘Go take a bath, Slimy, and shampoo this time!’ when ever Severus Snape walks past.
4. I will not put chewed Droobles Best Blowing Gum in the dungeons (mostly around the potions class room).
5. I will not cover the gum with colorful balloons.
6. I will (try and) not laugh when Slytherins get stuck in the gum.
7. I will not try and marry the Giant Squid just to hear people shout that I am insane, it is cruel to the Giant Squid’s feelings.
8. I will not send a letter to McGonagall saying that I knew what she and Dumbledore really get up to during the summers.
9. I will not blame the letter on Draco Malfoy.
10. I will not put on a skeleton mask, stand behind Neville and shout, ‘Crucio!’ (note to self, do not be holding a wand when you shout Crucio!).
11. I will not put a slip-and-slide in the Great Hall. (No matter how much fun I would have)
12. I will not call Hufflepuffs Mufflefluffs.
13. I will not call Harry and Ron Bat Man and Robin.
14. I will not walk in front of Harry with the Weasley twins and shout, ‘All bow to the savior of the world.’
15. I will not threaten to curse anyone who didn’t bow to Harry to have to sing to Harry.
16. I will not jump up and shout, ‘There’s 100 death eaters and Voldemort on the school grounds’ during Transfiguration.
17. Shouting this will only lead to trouble.
18. I do not have the authority to follow Harry Potter around until Voldemort attacks him and try and make a peace treaty with him.
19. I will not call him Lord Voldie-poo when I do (not) number 18.
20. There has not, nor will there ever be, a fifth house of Hogwarts called Cleghorn.
21. I am not the founder of Cleghorn.
22. The Cleghorn’s common room is not and will not be built under the lake’s surface, this will make the few students more vulnerable to Load Voldie-poo.
23. I am not allowed to make the Sorting Hat sort people in to Cleghorn.
24. I will not get Harry Potter to open the Chamber of Secrets and cook the Basilisk. That would be just plain disgusting if someone ate it.
25. I am not allowed to change the Chamber of Secrets into the Cleghorn’s common room.
26. I will not become the Golden Trio’s fourth member. (It’s trio, as in three only!)
27. I am not the daughter of Lord Voldemort.
28. I am not a death eater in disguise sent by my father (Lord Voldemort) to kill Harry Potter.
29. I am not a death eater in disguise sent by my father (Lord Voldemort) to wizard-nap Ron Weasley.
30. I am not a death eater in disguise sent by my father (Lord Voldemort) to witch-nap Hermione Granger or Ginny Weasley. (note to self, witch-nap Luna Lovegood instead.)
31. I am not nor will I ever be the long lost descendent of Slytherin.
32. I am not nor will I ever be the long lost descendent of Ravenclaw.
33. I am not nor will I ever be the long lost descendent of Hufflepuff.
34. I am not nor will I ever be the long lost descendent of Gryffindor.
35. I am the descendent of Cleghorn, though that is not as impressive as Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Gryffindor, and I am not lost.
36. Long lost does not mean to go get lost in the forbidden forest so the headmaster will have to send a search party after me.
37. A search party does not mean that you have a party while you are searching.
38. The forbidden forest is forbidden for a reason.
39. I am not allowed to make a document that makes half-giants or half-werewolfs (a.k.a. Hagrid and Remus) allowed finning 30 galleons to anyone who makes judgment on what they are. (Even though it is a good idea.)
40. Peeves is not allowed in the Great Hall for a reason.
41. Giving Peeves the Marauders Map is not a good idea.
42. Giving Peeves Harry’s invisibility cloak is not a good idea.
43. Giving Peeves a wand is not a good idea.
44. I will not send Harry and Ron an owl that says I know what they really get up to in the Borrows attic.
45. I will not blame the letter on Ginny.
46. I will not blame the letter on Hermione.
47. I will not blame the letter on Neville.
48. I will not blame the latter on Fred.
49. I will not blame the letter on George.
50. Harry Potter is not gay with Ron Weasley and I will not say that they are.
51. Sirius Black is not gay with Remus Lupin and I will not say that they are.
52. Going to the whomping willow during the full moon is not a good idea.
53. I am not allowed to put a Manticore is the Slytherins common room.
54. I am not allowed to come to Hogwarts on a Hippogriff.
55. I am not allowed to come to Hogwarts on a Thestral. That is what the carriages are for.
56. I am not allowed to help Hagrid breed illegal magical creatures.
57. I am not allowed to breed magical creatures by myself either.
58. I will not make people refer to me as she-who-must-not-be-named-for-she-is-the-daughter-of-Lord-Voldemort.
59. I will also not make people refer to me as the-only-one-who-is-more-powerful-than-Dumbledore-Harry-Potter-and-Voldemort-combinded, even if I am.
60. Harry Potter is not something you gawk at at the zoo.
61. Lord Voldemort is not something you gawk at at the zoo either.
62. I am not allowed to help the Order of the Phoenix when Voldemort attacks Hogsmead for I am not old enough to join.
63. I am not allowed to grab Voldemort’s wand when he is not looking and snap it in two, even though he would cause a lot less damage with out one.
64. I am not allowed to find Voldemort’s hiding place and snapping his death eater’s wands.
65. I am not allowed to use muggle objects to defend myself against death eaters such as a gun, knife, fire extinguisher, car, ax, bomb, explosives or poison, ever if some of those would be better than a wand.
66. Muggle electronics do not and will not work at Hogwarts so I will stop trying.
67. I will not ask Professor Snape where Lord Voldemort is.
68. I will not ask Professor Snape if I can see his upper left arm when first years pass by or second, third, forth, fifth, sixth, or seventh or ever.
69. I will not go into the boys dormitories and give them all beards so they look like Dumbledore.
70. I will not go into the boys dormitories and put make-up on all of them so they look like clowns, no matter how hilarious it would be.
71. I will not use a freezing charm on the lake and teach students who don’t know how to ice-sake (especially since I do not know how to skate).
72. I will not mention sushi every time I am near the Giant Squid.
73. Broom closets are for two things, to keep brooms and to snog senseless, not for locking nifflers in them.
74. I will not replace anyone’s sugar quills with real quills.
75. I will not put a snake in the Slytherins common room.
76. I will not lock a raven in the Ravenclaw’s common room.
77. I will not lock a badger in the Hufflepuffs common room.
78. I have heard every joke about Lucius Malfoy’s name is not a challenge.
79. I have heard every joke about Draco Malfoy’s name is not a challenge.
80. Even if it is funny, I will not change the Gryffindors password to, ‘Draco Malfoy is a sexy beast’
81. I will not trick first year boys to try and climb up the girls staircase just so I can use it as a water side. (note to self, make sure that you have enough time to finish going down the slide before they change back into stairs).
82. I will not repeat my immature mistakes.
83. No matter how much fun it is, I will not make all of the floors in the castle covered in ice.
84. I will not put the dark mark on sleeping classmate’s arms, even if they disappear in two weeks.
85. I will not sleep during class and say that I am a vampire as an excuse.
86. Galleons are for buying things, not for flicking at people’s heads.
87. No matter how good at being a beater I am, I will not use crystal balls for practice.
88. I am not allowed to pay first years to clean my dorm.
89. The teachers table is for teachers only.
90. I will not put on Dumbledore’s glasses and hat.
91. I will not boss around the school in Dumbledore’s glasses and hat.
Sending blasts of wind to clear the leaves is ok, sending blasts of wind to clear the Hogwarts corridor of students is not.
I will not purposely jump in a mud puddle and run around the school just to give Mr. Flitch a hard time.
I will not shave Miss. Norris.
I will not shave any cat.
I will not call first years midgets no matter how much fun it is to say midget and because they are sort, first years have names.
I will not change the calendars so the full moon is several days earlier. Mr. Lupin would not appreciate that.
98. I will not wrap Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak around my arm and run around screaming that an Imperius Cursed suit of armor had cut off my arm.
99. I will not play dead after running.
100. I will not spray paint the Hogwarts ghost, they do not appreciate that and it will only go right threw them.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Feb 24, 2007 19:58:49 GMT -5
Missed some on the last thing. 101. I will not ask Professor McGonagall if she can teach me to become a legal Animagus.
102. I will not ask Professor McGonagall if she can teach me to become a legal Animagus again after she says no.
103. I will not keep asking Professor McGonagall if she will teach me to become a legal Animagus until she says yes.
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Feb 24, 2007 20:00:20 GMT -5
Really it's how to drive Dumbles into an early grave, but hey. Who cares? Let the boy-who-lived near him.
Let Snape near him.
Kiss Professor McGonagall. (no wait, he’d kill YOU. Forget that one.)
Fill his office with Berit Bots Every Flavored Beans.
Use bugger flavored beans.
show him a picture of Voldemort naked and covered in chocolate spread. (Yummy. ;D)
Sing the wedding march each time he tries to talk to McGonagall.
After a month or so of 7, start singing, ‘Albus and Minerva sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a wizards carriage.
If you can, actually find a baby and leave it in his office. Put a note next to the baby that says something like, ‘I TOLD you we should have used a condom. – Minerva’.
Paint the school an absurd color of orange.
Do this again, only use purple.
Write on one wall in very big, gold letters, ‘Dumbledore is a PIMP.’ (‘cause we all no it’s true)
Repeatedly ask him ‘Why?’.
Keep asking ‘why?’, even if he stops answering.
In a very serious voice, ask Dumbledore to clean your thongs.
Add suggestively that if he wants to, he can see you in them.
Buy him a book for Christmas.
Make sure the book is a porn-o.
Sing the song ‘Incomplete’ by the Backstreet Boys over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over and over again.
And over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
While he is asleep, shave off his beard. Then, with a big, black, magic marker draw it back!
Be sure to draw it JUST LIKE THE OLD ONE.
Change his floo powder with sneezing powder.
Fill the lake with kiwi jell-o!
Fill the castle with kiwi jell-o!
Fill the lake with chocolate pudding jell-o!
Fill the castle with vanilla pudding jell-o!
Find fake evidence that Snape is actually Dumbledore and McGonagall’s love child.
Invite them and the whole school to a big sappy family reunion.
During the big, sappy family reunion, stand up and say very loudly, “THIS IS WHY DUMBLEDORE REFUSES TO BELIEVE SNAPE IS EVIL.”
Enjoy watching all three turn very, very red (with angry or embarrassment, you decide.)
Duck as Snape tried to kill you.
Write on the walls of Hogwarts many fake facts about Dumbledore. 34 – 36 are a few ideas.
‘Dumbledore is a pedophile.’
‘In Dumbledore’s first year of Hogwarts, he molested the Giant Squid.’
‘Dumbledore has a stack of bombs hidden somewhere in the school.’
At the top of your lungs, during lunch scream, “DUMBLEDORE IS VOLDEMORT IS DISGUISE AND HE’S TEACHING US TO BECOME DEATH EATERS!!!!!”
Deny EVERYTHING when MoM shows up.
Change all of Dumbledore’s outfits into Barney costumes.
Do something to get Dumbledore chase after you (who will be wearing the Barney costumes because he can’t go NUDE). Don’t get caught and as you are running shout, “BARNEY IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!!!!! HELP!!!!!” This will resort in many people tackling Dumbledore down and many more running for their lives.
When MoM shows up, deny EVERYTHING.
At this point, it might be good to check your Life Insurance. Everyone has their limits of tolerance, you know.
Turn the castle to ice on the hottest day of the year.
Once the castle is melted, claim that you were just trying to cool things down.
Send his anonymous love/sex letters. After a year of this (or less if they are really dirty) say they are from Hagrid.
Deny EVERYTHING.
Tell the House Elves it’s national piggy-back ride day and they get to have a piggy-back ride from anyone in the school.
Suggest that Dumbledore never gets any takers and that they go to him.
Stand back with your favorite House Elf on your back and watch the mob of house elves jump on Dumbledore.
Deny that this was your idea. Say that Hermione came up with it and you just went along.
Change that. It was Hermione. All Hermione. HERMIONE DID IT!
Change Dumbledore into a sloth. Say that your ‘teaching’ the younger kids how to become good friends with Dumbledore.
Do this again with other animals. Make sure none of them are deadly.
Yes, Leon. The Platypus is deadly.
And the alligator.
Well, duh, Leon. It has the name ‘killer’ in Killer Ants.
I’m going to hit you. YES KILLER BEES ARE DEADLY! (hits Leon repeatedly with fat book of deadly animals)
(cough, cough) sorry people, back to the show.
Make a big pot of melted wax. Pour the wax over everything, including people. This will make people immobile and everything feel slimy.
Laugh when Dumbledore realizes you’re not going to let people out until N.W.E.T. and O.W.L.S. are done.
Deny EVERYTHING.
Tell Dumbledore the ‘secret’ ending of book six.
Tell him that in book 7 Snape is going to bring him back as a zombie and make him his sex slave.
Change the password to his office to, ‘I, Dumbledore, am in love with Ronald, Harry Potter’s best mate.’
The next week have it be, ‘I am jealous of Ron and Harry’s sex life … with each other.’
Laugh as he says this, tell him you’re only joking, and you know he only has eyes for Minerva … or Snape.
Loudly shout that Dumbledore is having three-some sex with Minerva and Snape!
Forgive the author about the last 4. They are fillers.
Declare that you invented the 12 uses for Dragons Blood and Dumbledore ripped you off!
Have him read the fanfic I just read seconds ago (Dear Diary).
Invent a MPRG potion. Slip it into Dumbledore’s morning tea. Watch the chaos unfold.
Invent a sex-change slip it all of the men’s drinks and breakfast (why let Dumbledore have all the fun?). Watch the chaos unfold.
Deny EVERYTHING.
Draw on the pictures of past Head masters. Make air bubbles that have crude things inside.
Send him a notice that there are rogue Mermaids in the lake. Take a break that day as he searches for them.
Shout at the top of your lungs, crying if you can act that well, “OMG!!!! DUMBLEDORE IS DEAD!!!!”
Laugh at his funeral, causing people to shoot nasty looks at you.
The next day when Dumbledore is at breakfast shout, “OMG!!!!! DUMBLEDORE’S COME BACK AS A ZOMBIE!!!!!” then pretend to faint.
Deny EVERYTHIHG!
Burn this letter so no one blames me for your stupid choice of doing this.
--
“Hahaha, this is going to be fun.”
“What are you up to, Ms. Cleghorn?”
“Wh …?! Uhhh … errrrr … Why Professor McGonagall! How lovely to see you here, in my very own room, because for some reason you don’t trust me to be in a room with sleeping people … (cough, cough) What brings you here, to visit?”
(sigh) “Ms. Cleghorn, if you are planning more havoc, then I must … Ms. Cleghorn, why is my name on this paper?”
“Sorry Professor! Gotta run! Potoins, you know …”
“MS. CLEGHORN!!!! You can’t run forever.”
“I can try.”
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Post by Hobbes on Feb 24, 2007 20:23:48 GMT -5
me and Insanity found so much more interesting things to talk about
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Feb 24, 2007 22:45:16 GMT -5
*Trows a flaming ax at Hobbes, which sucessfully removes her head*
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Post by The Choco-Holic on Mar 4, 2007 19:08:47 GMT -5
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.
2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.
3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. it will not get me extra credit.
6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
8 ) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar, especially one with metal spikes...no matter how attractive I think it is.
9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy, and I am not to tell them that it is their responsibility.
10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month", no matter how sympathetic i think i am to the situation.
11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.
12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches, nor will I lead the stand in a rousing chorus of it.
13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball. he was grabby anyway.
14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!".
15) When a classmate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.
17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental. At least that's what they want you to think...
18 ) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends" nor will I use them as such.
20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dust buster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my older brother's old Calculus book.
22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.
24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom...no matter how amusing the reaction.
25) Its not necessary fro me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.
26) I will not steal Gryffindors’s sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.
27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. Nor am i allowed to use the theme from Mission Impossible.
28 ) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. Thank you for destrying my dream.
29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" or songs from The Veggie Tales.
30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife nor will it talk to you. I must not tell this to first years.
32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the A" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.
33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. Or Lucius Malfoy. Or Hitler.
34) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay snogging will occur.
34) It is a mad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously.
35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental spell
36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
38 ) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".
41) Bringing fortune cookies to Divinations class does not count as extra credit.
42)My name is not "Dark-Lord Happy Pants" and I shall not sign my papers as such.
43) I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps. Why Chocolate Frogs are allowed and not these is beyond me.
44) I will not lock Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room and make bets on who will come out alive.
45) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball.
46) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the residential ghosts
47) I will not use first year Slytherins and Gryffindors as Christmas lights
48 ) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
49) There is not, nor was there ever, a fifth house at Hogwarts. Nor am I in that house or the founder of it.
50) I will not put books of muggle fairy-tales in the history section of the library
51) When fighting the Death Eater in the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and yell "There can only be ONE!"
52) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes teacher.
53) I will not take a life insurance policy out of Harry Potter.
54) I will not wear A MUDBLOOD AND PROUD OF IT shirt to DE meetings and act surprised when they attack me.
55) I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand
56) I will not tell first years that they should build a tree-house in the whomping willow
57) I will not teach the house elves how to impersonate Jar Jar Binks
58 ) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort...Especially if Harry Potter's life is in the bargain...
59) I will not follow potions instructions backwards just to see what will happen
60) I will not use silencing charms on my professors.
61. I will not go up to professors randomly and do the "Where's the baby" face from Ice Age.
62. I will not perform "vulgar" puppet shows for the first years.
63. I will not scream bloody murder everytime I see Filch
64. I am not to refer to Professor Snape as "Sevvie darlingest" in my Barbie voice.
65. I will not go skinny-dipping in the lake with Hagrid's dog Fang and the Giant Squid
66. I will not wear pants that are six szes too big, fill them with bubble wrap, and go around Hogwarts causing general idiocy.
67. I will not kiss any of my teachers pasionately, especially not the female ones.
68.I will not dress up in a sleeping bag and run around Hogwarts Grounds without knowing where I am going
69. I will not et really hyped up and roll around in the great hall and laugh saying that Snape would look so funny as a puppet for Sesame Street.
70. I will not ride around hogwarts in an uncontrollable cart going really fast with no breaks, and chase Snape around while causing general chaos.
71. I will not pretend to be a deer in hunting season
72. i will not gather my roommates in the Great Hall to do a ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway’ Hogwarts style
73. I will not throw a surprise party for Snape and write him romantic poems.
74. I will not laugh hysterically in a serious moment.
75. I will not purposefully run face on into every wall I see.
76. I will not walk up to random first and second year students and scream ‘YOU PUT A DENT IN MY CAN!’
77. I will not challenge random people to duels with gift wrap tubes at Christmas.
78. Growing weed while not get me extra credit in Herbology.
79. I will not give the professors note telling them to check their flies.
80. I will not make popping sounds with my mouth(like Donky from Shrek)and laugh when the teacher gives you a funny look.
81. I will not look at the celing for along time, and when I see other people looking at the celing too, trying to figure it out, say "What are you looking at?".
82. I will not install fake surveillance cameras in the prefects' bathrooms.
83. I will not grimace painfully while smacking my forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" while around the younger students.
84. I will not answer the professors' questions with meows.
85. I will not stare at the first years for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the room.
86. I will not offer nametags to students coming in the Great Hall, and wear mine upside-down.
87. I will not draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other students that this is my "personal space."
88. I will not get a black dog, name it Grim, and take it to Divination class.
89. Iwill not throw my voice intot he Divination professor's crystal ball and in a squeaky voice say that the "Fates are on hold."
90. I will not invent a cereal. There are no such thing as Voldios, and they are not magically delicious.
91. I will not prank call Voldemort and say: “This is Hermione, and I called to say that I can’t hide it any longer: Voldemort, you are a ‘sexy beast!’"
92. I will not write my Head of house a love letter signed "Chuck Norris".
93. I will not yell "Pick me! Pick me!" when Snape hands out detentions.
94. I will not use sticking charms to attach feminine productsto Snape's shoes.
95. I will not tell the Slytherins to go snog a Dementor.
96. I will not ask my male professors if they have any Midol.
97. I will not sing The Song That Never Ends. While drunk. In the Great Hall. To the first years...
98. I will not wait for Snape to run away from me to yell "Why are you doing this, Severus? YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR BABY!"
99. I will not pay the house elves to fllow random students and sing love songs.
100. I will not send Snape love notes signed "Wormtail".
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Post by Emerald on Mar 4, 2007 19:34:10 GMT -5
i choked on my water when i read the last one.
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Post by Hobbes on Mar 5, 2007 7:45:48 GMT -5
I've done that before
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